Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Sometimes you reach a point...then have to choose a direction.

Going to let you guys in on a little secret.  

I'm trusting you to keep this just between us.  

We're friends, right?

The name of my farm is CrossRoad Farm.

The little slogan I do my best to tag on everything... 

"Sometimes you reach a point...then have to choose a direction."

It has been with me my whole life.

At first glance, you may think my property is located at a crossroads.  Not hardly.  Or, located in Crossroads, Texas?  Not even close.  When I originally came up with this name, I lived at the end of a long, winding road, on a cul-de-sac.  At present, my property is located on a regular street.  I'm not at the end.  I'm not in the middle.  Just the second house down on the left.  It has never been about location.  It has always been about a state of mind.

Where am I?  
Who am I?
What's happening in my life?  
Where do I want to go?  
How do I want to get there?  
Who do I want to take along for the ride?  
Who am I kicking out of the truck?

It has always been about food to some extent.  I've had a passion for organic gardening since the beginning.  After planting the first seed, and enduring the challenges of nature, organic or natural gardening has been important to me.  My first challenge came when ants took up residence in my garden.  I did what most do.  I went to the store to get some ant killer. Ants can be mean, and I wanted them gone.  The problem came when I started reading the labels.

Ha!  My label reading affliction started long ago!  

I couldn't find anything that I wanted near my food, or the food I wanted to feed my children.  I was also going through a lot of bad stuff in my life.  Bad relationships.  Bad self-image.  Bad decision making.

The name just grew out of the dysfunction.

I wanted to start my own organic farm all the way back in the late 90's.  I was a member of the Texas Organic Grower's Association.  I subscribed to a ton of publications, like Acres, USA.  I even went to an organic gardening convention in Austin Texas.  It was a dream.  Then, life happened.  Jobs changed.  Relationships changed.  A plague of grasshoppers moved in.  I had to make decisions for my family.  My dream was moved to the back burner, and life moved front and center.  I'm not complaining.  I just had to do what I had to do.

Fast-forward to the beginning of this blog.  Completely different life.  Completely different relationships.  Completely different goals.  Completely different location.  Same dream.  Trying not to disrupt everyone's life in my household, I started small.  I had fun.  Crazy things happened.  Then, a drought and a second plague of grasshoppers that tried to rival the first I'd seen.  When out of the chaos, a new love happened.  My bees!  I really do love my bees.  It was unsuspecting.  It was challenging.  It's very rewarding.  Even though it's crazy hard at times, I love it.  I also love honey, and I feel very good about the crop I produce.

Yet, I'm still standing at that same CrossRoad!

A lot of things have changed in my life.  Life does that.  The only constant is change.  Whether you refuse to see it, and the world is changing around you.  Or, you grab on to it, and see where it takes you.  There is, and always will be CHANGE. There is change ahead.  I can feel it.  I can smell it.  I can even taste it a little.  I don't know what it is, and because I am controlling by nature, it frustrates me a little.  I like to have a plan.  I like to have a direction.  I don't like standing in the middle of a CrossRoad waiting to figure it out, but I am.  I'm just hanging out in the middle of the road.  Looking from one direction to the next.  Turning in a circle.  Trying to decide which path is the right one.

The facts are, I don't have enough information at this point to choose.

I've been here for a while.  Trying to define myself.  Trying to consolidate who I am.  Trying to wrap it all up in a pretty package.  I think this partly explains why I have been neglecting this blog.  I know I've been busy, but really, I've just been undecided.  I've been trying to define this space.  Trying to understand who I am and what I want to put out there about myself.  I don't have those answers, and I finally understand why.

I don't fit inside a pretty little package! 

I can not be wrapped up in paper with a pretty bow on top.  It doesn't work.  You can't shove me inside a gift bag with tissue paper either.  I'm that annoying present that can't be wrapped in a manner to make a presentable gift.  There is not a box I fit in, and even if you find a box large enough, it will be one larger than the paper is wide.  You're going to have to use two sheets to cover all the sides.  There's not enough ribbon to cover all the seams and hide the truth.

Not going to happen!

Today, of all days, this is finally okay with me.  I can't define, or redefine, this blog.  This blog is about me.  I'm a retired stay-at-home mom.  I'm an empty-nester.  I'm a wife.  I'm a Christian.  I'm a sinner.  I'm a gardener.  I'm a beekeeper.  I'm a do-it-your-selfer.  I'm a horse owner.  I'm a dog lover.  I'm a cat lover.  I'm the egg lady.  I'm the bee lady.  I'm a city girl. I'm a country girl.  I'm a rebel.

I'm all over the place!

If you come here to learn about bees?  Keep coming.  You'll learn a thing or two.  If you really want to learn about bees? Contact me.  I teach beekeeping.  If you want to learn about gardening?  You're going to have to dig in the archives.  We've had terrible weather and it has not been successful for a long time.  If you want to talk about raising kids?  I know a thing or two.  Shoot!  I'll do my best to answer.  If you want to read crazy stories that give you a little insight into who I am?  Check back daily.  You never know what you'll find.  I don't fit into a category, and today, I'm no longer going to try.

Oddly, I'm breathing a little easier.  

Now I feel better.


  1. 'Who am I kicking out of the truck?' Ha!

    I loved this post. I love the way you shared the story behind your tagline and how vulnerable you were in saying you don't really know where you fit. Well, I think you fit here just fine. Who really knows where they're going and what it all means? That's the adventure of life, isn't it?! I love the way you've described yourself here and have to say, I feel a little bit closer to you. (Is that creepy?)

    1. I'm really picky about who stays in the truck!

      Thank you for the kind words. You should know when I talk about you, I call you my friend.

      We passed "creepy" a long time ago!