I actually logged on earlier today, and as my finger tips hovered above the keyboard, the only words that came to mind were...
This blog is gasping for its last breath.
Death is knocking on the door.
What do I do?
Do I start C.P.R.?
Do I just start digging a hole and put it out of its misery.
There I sat. Those were the words running through my mind. It seemed dark and gloomy. It seemed like a huge decision. Why such a hard choice? If it were a friend, I wouldn't even hesitate. I'd be breaking some ribs to get you breathing again. I'd be screaming for help. I'd be calling 911. The fact that I sat there, undecided, unsure of what to do, was startling. In the end, as you can probably guess, I just closed the post and logged out, without doing a single thing.
This gap in blogging is a yearly event for me. Usually, at some point during the summer, I drop out. Check the archives if you don't believe me. June. July. August. These are the months that I seem to shut down. It is hot. I'm usually running out of steam, and I mentally check out. Nothing too unusual. I am at least consistent in being inconsistent, but I've never thought of putting an end to it.
I really don't have an answer. So...
*knock, knock, knock*
If anybody is out there, I'm open for any thoughts.
Oddly enough, I am sitting here at 2:00 in the morning, spilling the ugly truth. The truth about almost pulling the plug on this thing. Admitting that I considered it, but glad that I didn't.
It's been a busy season. The bees have been busy and we are getting ready to harvest our honey at the end of this week. I'm excited, worried, and weary - all at the same time! I have invested a lot of time and money this year, and now we see if it is all worth it.
I have really been trying to conserve my energy over the last couple of weeks, which is code for: I have been super lazy! Some might say I've become a hermit of sorts. I shut down all of my extra curricular activities, and have thrown away my social calendar. Instead, I have watched endless hours of movies and television. Nothing educational - just pure entertainment! I'm not really sure why, or if this will become a new summer trend for me, but over the last few weeks it's been kind of nice.
Now, as harvest is nearing, and the endless list of projects I've been neglecting are piling up, I have been trying to shake it off. It has not been easy. Then, helping a friend load a lawn mower, I tweaked my back a little.
This put me right back in front of the television over the 4th of July holiday weekend. I didn't really complain much, and the rest seemed to help ease my back pain a little. Now with harvest day looming, I only put a few things on the list this week.
1. Mow the yard.
2. Weed eat the yard.
4. Clean the house.
These are not major tasks. Actually, they are very common tasks. They go along with the list of unwritten chores.
1. Clean the barn.
I mowed the yard on Monday, and my back started hurting again. This prevented me from picking up the weed trimmer. I started the laundry today, and then headed out to run a few errands. One of which was a stop at my chiropractor. Unfortunately, he took an extended holiday and won't be in until Wednesday. Trying to stay optimistic, I decided to meet up with some friends for dinner. We have a regular Tuesday night date, and I have skipped out on the last four or five Tuesdays. I had fun, and it was a relief to get back to something normal. Then, on my way in, instead of running to the barn and taking care of those chores, I decided to watch a little more television with my Part-timer first. This put me out at the barn at 11:30.
Where I found a horse in trouble!
Why did I wait?
I could have found this at 9:00!
I headed to the house to drag the Man in Charge out of bed. Thankfully, he was not asleep yet. Then, I drug me veterinarian out of bed at midnight. He was asleep! It usually makes me really feel bad to have to make those late night calls, but tonight, as we stood in a hot barn - sweating! The thought occurred to me, my veterinarian was at least getting paid.
Our diagnosis - a horse with a mild colic and a sore leg? We treated the colic, and we are still unsure about the leg. It is a wait-and-see game at this point. Now you know why I am writing you at 2:00 in the morning. I checked on her at 3:00, and she is still resting comfortably. My next check will be 5:00 in the morning. I am happy to report, I have been doing laundry and trying to make the most of it.
Other than that- I've got nothing!