Burr!

I think it is safe to say that most of us are cold today!  I know, some of you are cursing that dang ground hog, but I can't really do it.

It is cold.  

I am cold.  

I could go for some warm but...it's fine.

Does that make any sense?

I think part of my problem is the fact that the seed catalogs have been pouring in since December.  I usually find this super exciting.  I grab the mail and then immediately sit down with a pencil and start going over every single page.  This year is a little different for me.  For one, I have not turned back a single cover.  I have a nice stack of catalogs collecting on my desk, but the pages have not seen the light of day.  Then, the other day, I received a catalog with a Last Chance! notice on the cover.  They are removing me from their mailing list because it has been so long since I placed an order.  Rude! 

This sort of makes me sad.

You see, I want to open them.  I want to mark up the pages.  I want to make a list.  I want to place orders.  I want to start seeds.  I want to grow varieties that you will not find anywhere else!  I want to get my hands dirty.  I want to make my back hurt.  I want to grow more things than I can possibly eat.

But, I can't.

I mean...I could.

But...I can't!

If I were to do that, I would want to put together my greenhouse that is in a disassembled heap on the other side of my horse trailer.  Then, I would want to start building some new compost bins.  Then, I would want to build some raised beds.

Let's be real here people!

I am barely keeping the things I already have alive.  My horses are doing their best to die.  My dog's rehabilitation will span the next six months to a year.  I have new bees on order.  Plus, I have a couple of queens due to arrive this spring.  I have new boxes to build, seal, and paint!  I have a bazillion frames to assemble.  I have 4 pieces of furniture that I want to refurbish.  I have an entire house that needs a face lift.  I am in serious need of some landscaping.  I have chickens that require daily attention.

I have a lot to do!

I haven't successfully grown anything over the last couple of years.  With the drought and the plague of grasshoppers - I quit.  The fact that we have had a pretty cold winter is promising to me.  Really cold winters mean that a few more bugs have managed to die off.  This is good.  I just can't do it.  It doesn't help that the Man in Charge keeps telling me that my days here are numbered.  He has been telling me that since 2005, but what the hay?  It has meant that a lot of what I do is not permanent.  Temporary things are just what they sound like - temporary.  You do temporary for nine years and eventually it starts to wear on you.

It is the limbo.

I don't like it.

I don't do limbo well.

So.  Instead of browsing seed catalogs, I am going to take another course.  I am going to work on my house.  I am going to work on my flower beds.  I am going to grow my bees.  I am going to keep my horses alive.  I am going to rehab my dog.  I am going to keep letting my chickens run my life.  I am going to dress up some old furniture.  I am going to do all these things so that if I have to go - I am ready.  If at the end of those things, I am still here?  I am going to start doing things a little more permanently.

Don't be too sad for me.

I am already conning myself into sneaking a few edibles into the flower beds.

This is just the sucky part of being a grown up!  I have to tell myself N-O!